Authentic Visibility: A Writer’s Dilemma

Why I Tried TikTok and Reframing My Attitude Around Social Media

Jan 27, 2025

I've long wrestled with the tension between the dream of being seen and the desire to protect my creative bubble. I think as writers, those of us who truly value our work, who hold firm this identity of artist and creator, it's a lifelong struggle. To protect our writing time at all costs. And as you know, that doesn’t just mean the time we are at the desk. One of the true joys of this writing life for me is how immersive it is. A walk, a drive, a few minutes in the shower also become precious time to let my creative mind stretch and sing and dance. A writer’s inner life can be all-consuming. But there is also value to being seen; it is how we sell our books or get people to read what we write. I think the struggle for me lately has been trying to understand how I can choose visibility in ways that feel authentic and nourishing to me as an artist rather than draining.

Today, I wanted to talk about a little experiment I did with TikTok. But I’ll be upfront and say this is not an article for or against the platform. It is not about creating an author brand or how to promote yourself on social media. As I wrote this first draft, I realized I was writing more about my own fear of inadequacy. Or rather my current struggle with what to do with myself within all the online places I have profiles. I want to be more intentional in 2025— more intentional about how I spend my time, where I put my energy, and the things that I write. While this experiment began as a way to connect with more writers and grow an audience, it ended with much more introspection.

A 90 Day TikTok Challenge

I’ve resisted the idea of being on TikTok for a long time. My only experience with the platform was from friends or videos I saw on Instagram. I didn’t have it downloaded on my phone because I didn’t want another social media platform in my life. Another thing on my phone to monitor so that it wouldn’t suck any more of my precious energy away. I just figured TikTok wasn’t for me.

But when I got my agent—my dream of publication just a little bit closer—I started thinking about my novel differently. What if I really sell this thing? Like you, I read so much about the hurdles within the publishing business: how hard it is to sell a debut, how promotion has changed within the industry, and that much of that promotion falls on the writer. But if I’m being honest, for as long as I’ve been dreaming this novel into being, I’ve fantasized about promoting it. After a New Year’s Eve glass of wine, I admitted to my husband that sometimes I daydream about questions future podcasters might ask me in an author interview and how I would respond. I can’t help it! I want you to read it so badly! But also, I’ve been in this space for a long time, interviewing 100’s of authors through Write or Die and my work with Chill Subs, so promotion has just been on my radar. And that dream of publication has always been in me.

I started thinking about TikTok after reading a post by Leigh Stien. I’m paraphrasing like crazy here, but she mentioned in one of her posts that TikTok is where people are talking about books, so, as a creator of books, why don’t you want to be where they are? She made me question my resistance to the platform. If this is one of the ways books sell, why keep insisting it’s not for me?

But I was intimidated by the idea of creating content. How would I talk about my book when it's not even done (I'm currently awaiting my agent’s notes!), never mind not even published yet? How many “write with me vlogs” could I make in a week?

Then, a twofold idea hit me—a 90-day writing challenge.

I was also looking for a way to connect with my subscribers here on In the Weeds. So many of you are starting writing projects, deep into revision, or fostering a desire to start without knowing how. I have a special place in my heart for those of you who struggle with actually beginning since it took me a long time to work up the courage and find the right resources for me to begin my own first novel back in 2020. I see you! And you are my favorite people to help!

Armed with the book that inspired me to write my first draft, The 90 Day Novel by Alan Watt, I decided to create two spaces for writers— one in the Threads section of

Substack

where I would post a note of inspiration each day and encourage writers to respond with their word count for accountability. And the other on TikTok. I thought I could repurpose some of what I was saying in Threads and convert it into videos, encouraging viewers to add their own word counts to the comments each day to participate in this challenge. Since The 90 Day Novel was so essential to my success in writing the first draft, I figured I would have plenty of anecdotes, stories, and tips to share that could inspire at least a few weeks of content. On TikTok, I wanted to see if I could build another audience. Maybe they would even click on my bio and see the link to this newsletter or the other writing services I provide.

I began on November 1st with a loose plan and a mantra that this was an experiment. It could offer both a connection with my newsletter audience and, by posting consistently, force me to learn TikTok. I could gather information about how I could potentially use this platform to sell myself as an author and, in the future, sell my book.

here is my tiktok page

The First Steps

I began making videos in the last week of November to lead up to my challenge as a warm-up and for my potential audience to know what I would be posting about. A few people joined me in adding their word count to the comments on TikTok, but only for the first few days. (Threads was going much more successfully!) I found it difficult to make each video unique while also mentioning the “rules” of the challenge. (Holding the work loosely, writing every day) Soon, I just kept the same caption, hoping that would help viewers engage. However, that didn’t work. People were still viewing, liking, and commenting, but not the way I had intended. I also was only consistently getting 200-300 views, which felt disappointing. Were videos not circulating? Was it my hashtags? Or was my content just not cutting it?

But I will say I was having fun writing the content, filming the videos, and editing them. Turns out I really did have a lot to say about writing a book, especially to those who are just starting. Betsey Lerner said on Brad Listi’s podcast that you should view your TikTok as your own personal channel, like “Kailey TV.” I liked that image and planned accordingly— what would Kailey TV say about writing novels this week?

I also played around with post times and found that my views went up when I posted at either 9 am EST or after 9 pm EST.

But by mid-month, I decided to pivot from my original plan. In one video, I used a trending sound and posted something about my own novel. The video received over 1k views pretty quickly. I realized I didn’t have to stick to my initial plan of keeping writers accountable strictly. I wanted to see what would happen if I presented myself as not just a teacher here to tell you how to do it but also a writer doing it along with you. I started talking about my novel, my revision process and even threw in a few videos about my pet peeves as a waitress since my novel is set in the service industry. I wanted to see what would stick.

Days 46 - 89

I hit 1,000 followers on December 16—Day 46—and could finally add a link in my bio. This milestone came largely thanks to a carousel post I created titled “De-influencing You as a Writer.” Inspired by a viral trend, I shared a series of random photos from my camera roll and paired them with honest reflections about my insecurities as a writer. I shared that I didn't have an MFA and that I taught myself to write a novel. That I don’t always write every day. That I hate that I don’t have any publication in my bio because I’ve been so focused on my novel project. That I don’t write about big things or politics, only family and home and menial jobs and girlhood. The response was overwhelmingly positive: over 10k views, 1k likes, and heartfelt comments from other writers resonating with my honesty. That mention of girlhood seemed to really strike a chord.

I kept playing around with how-to’s, my favorite pieces of advice, and trending sounds. But by day 56, right after Christmas, I was tired. Some of my videos were still flopping (my indication of that was not reaching 1k views), and I still didn’t quite know what was working. I felt stuck between being a “teacher” or a person of authority, giving my best advice, and just a writer on her journey. Because, in reality, that is where I am. It's common knowledge that if your book is published, people will take you much more seriously. You automatically have a credential. I understand that. But also, there is always going to be someone you can teach. I might be farther along in my novel writing journey than you; thus, I can give you advice or coach you even without publication. But I knew I was still learning the platform and continued to keep up with a daily video output.

A few days later, I tried another carousel post titled “books that changed the way I write.” I included photos of each book with a tiny blurb as to why I loved it. I got 8k views in two days and about 75 new followers. (This post is now sitting at 22k views) I tried another book-related post, and that one did well, too.

Day 87—a significant day because the TikTok ban is enforced. For a second, I’ll admit I was relieved. I was running out of stamina and video ideas! I wanted to quit! I had spent 80-plus days posting, and my following was only at 1380. I felt like that number should have been more significant! But as you know, the ban lasted less than 24 hours, and I posted the last three videos to make it an even 90.

Guilt, the Results, and Reframing My Initial Mindset

My struggle as a writer and a person is this familiar binary of wanting to be seen — externally validated, the one seizing opportunity, someone known, someone perceived as smart, capable, creative, beautiful, etc— and wanting to be alone with my thoughts and the people closest to me. My own bubble that does not include the internet.

A lot of this is tied to money for me as well, since I’ve been online for six-plus years as a freelancer, a business owner, a coach, and a writer. To wear all these hats, I need to be visible. I need to show what I can do and what I can provide. There are so many times I have all the energy in the world to do this because I love it. But then there are other times when I get down on myself, like with this challenge. When it ended, I felt discouraged and like I was using another social media tool incorrectly. Yes, I know it was only 90 days, but that felt like enough time for me to devote to something to gain some traction.

But also, I found that during these 90 days, I did not have the desire or the stamina to want to know more. Despite the excitement of putting a video together, the platform left me scatterbrained and often discontent. Some of the content I scrolled by made me sad, frustrated, or like I was rapidly losing brain cells. I wanted to shop more because everyone owned so many cool things and I had a sudden case of FOMO. Even though all I was doing was taking about writing, I felt less like a writer than I had in a long time.

And honestly, this confession makes me feel guilty. What if TikTok really could change my life? What if it can help sell my book? Or help me get coaching clients? What if I’m missing the boat?

But now that I think of it, none of these thoughts are actually singular to TikTok. This is how I feel about ALL social media. What if I’m not doing enough? What if I’m not doing it right? Is this all a giant waste of my time?

But wait—this is not the attitude I want to carry within me into 2025.

Yes, social media is flawed and damaging and has a laundry list of problems. But there has to be a way to find a balance. And better yet, how was I actually able to say I used TikTok incorrectly? What measured my success or failure?

I see now that it was because I was so wrapped up in the result that I missed everything else. I assumed that because my subscriber count was “low,” I was doing something wrong. But it was recently brought to my attention that I can’t actually understand the impact of my work. I have no idea, really, how much one of my posts could have helped someone. And if I subscribe to this line of thinking, one of intention and trust rather than algorithm victimhood, I could reframe how I see this experiment and go back to the source— what was my initial intention? To build an audience. Why do I want to build an audience? So that I can find more writers that I can help and connect with.

Well, if that is the case, then how can I truly say I failed or “wasn’t good enough"?”

When I initially wrote this piece, I went on about how I romanticized my teenage self and how she fostered her creativity in the privacy of her bedroom. How none of her art appeared in photos to show others on the internet. The level of exposure TikTok seems to demand quickly brought this to the forefront of my mind— a longing for the past or a potential reason to quit, I can’t say for certain.

But with more reflection and multiple drafts, I have come to a different viewpoint. Instead of resisting social media, something I’m already indrenched in. Instead of feeling like I need to “keep up” with everyone and be everywhere online, what if I return to that word “intention?” What if I view social media as a way it can serve me, rather than feeling as though I need to be a slave to it? Instead of opening an app and seeing my lack, what if I trusted that my video/my post/my carousel will reach who I am supposed to that day?

I didn’t expect this experiment to bring up so many emotions and a deep calling for a mindset adjustment. But I want to shift my focus to intention and trust. I want this year to be less about comparison, less about social media draining me, and more about finding and fostering the balance in which I can make a living, promote my work, showcase my writing, and help others write the books they are called to write. That is how I will choose authenticity.

I don’t know if I will keep posting on TikTok, but I can say, without a doubt, that I will keep posting here. Would you indulge my love of surveys and answer below?

Catch Up on the Latest

🍸 My latest post for paid subscribers is a video chat about my work as a waitress at a country club, the drama that ensued this year, and how I’m grappling with leaving the industry after writing a novel about it. You can view that here.

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