Thank you for sharing all of this! I often wondered how you were holding up, TikTok is a beast and it's really hard to be consistent on! (for me anyway). You should be SO proud for posting 90 videos, that is such an accomplishment! But I think you being honest with yourself about the whole process is an even bigger accomplishment 🥹👏🏼🥹👏🏼
Thank you, Kolina <3 I really appreciate you saying that! I struggled to write this post, actually, because I think I was processing in real time. It's hard when something seems to have equal pros and cons!
Gosh, I relate so much to how you feel about social media right now. I'm listening to the Stolen Focus audiobook currently and it's blowing my mind and making me want to get offline forever. But at the same time, that seems unrealistic. I want this year to be the year I strike a healthier balance (if there is such a thing) with social media while still leaning into it as a debut author. We'll see!
If you figure it out, LMK! I just listened to the Bad on Paper podcast episode about this book and they shared how they both try to balance screen time and writing. I might steal some of their ideas!
Loving this post & all of your thoughts! It’s such a tug of war with social — balancing organic, genuine content that fills your own cup and the consistency required to build an audience for promotion. Summary: it’s HARD!!
Yes to growing to know and trust that what you put out there always matters even if you never get to know how much in terms of comments or numbers. And we never know how affecting one person can contribute to how they affect someone else. Yes to intent!
Thanks for the insights, Kailey. It’s great to see your expectations vs. reality. I’m so proud of you for being ambitious with this goal and tackling such a huge challenge. Like Kolina mentioned, it may be even more impressive and productive to acknowledge how you’d begun to serve the challenge rather than it serve you.
I’ve been reflecting on this a LOT lately and actually published a newsletter about struggling with writing challenges this week too! I learned this the hard way when I started the 90 Day Challenge with you and didn’t complete it. After 30 days and 30,000 words, my life crumbled around me. I couldn’t keep up with a routine that ambitious and felt anxious, overwhelmed, and inadequate.
If I continued on for the last 60 days, I knew I’d have to drop my standard of health, mothering, marriage, and peace. And I considered it, because my pride didn’t want to accept defeat.
That’s when I realized, if I stopped after those first 30 days, I wouldn’t be defeated at all. If I called it after meeting my goal of writing 1000 words a day for a full month, I’d strut out of November with a huge badge, reading “Writer”. I would be a real fiction writer with a real chunk of a manuscript for the first time in my life.
After those 30,000 words of a fairly pantsed novel, I knew I needed to go back to the drawing board to crack down on my characters, plot, and theme. Drafting another 60,000 words then for the sake of the challenge wouldn’t serve me, but it would serve the challenge.
Challenges entice me. They’re sparky and sexy like a man in uniform (lol), all gritty, tough, stoic. The problem is, I am none of those things, and neither is life. It promises to offer enough challenges on its own — a wretched stomach bug after Christmas, a teething toddler who only sleeps for half an hour and interrupts the sacred writing time set apart.
It was so hard, because I wanted to participate in this so badly, but I threw in the towel. I needed my writing to fit into my lifestyle, to become it, because that’s the only way I can truly, consistently show up for it, enjoy it, and make my best work.
This marks the best decision in my writing history other than the decision to take up the challenge in the first place. Because, Kailey, although I didn’t finish this challenge. It was an unbelievable blessing to me.
I write you this long winded message to say that you can’t possibly know how much your presence has impacted me.
Your newsletters deliver the most fantastic reflections on fiction writing. They inspire me. They ground me.
Your writing challenge gave me the structure I needed to burn imposter syndrome and build a consistent fiction writing habit for the first time in my life. A Creative Writing undergrad didn’t do that. A desperate need for a creative outlet didn’t do that. But this virtual home you created for us offered the accountability and encouragement. It did that for me.
Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. I know that myself among many other avid In The Weeds readers (and future ones who haven’t found you yet) can’t wait to see how your heart and soul unfold in your novel.
Thank you so much for this, Ally! You are doing so great. You always show up for yourself but you also know when to step back and take care of others. I know it can be frustrating to not have a writing challenge or practice to go as you had envisioned it but I think the best part, truly, is to just keep coming back. And don't beat yourself up :) <3 thank you so much for being here!!
I love this post—I too feel like I need to have more of a social media presence (Instagram would be my choosing). And yet, I feel embarrassed or weird if I post anything about myself, like a narcissist who's just wanting more attention. Maybe I'll consider posting everyday for a month, or 45 days just to experiment with how it feels to share my writing life, and myself.
I think that would be a great little challenge. And then it truly feels terrible or not aligned with yourself, then you can say you tried and know for sure. I think its just a matter of actually finding what works for you and not what everyone else is doing, you know?
Thanks for sharing this, Kailey! The sentiment about intention and trying new things adds a really engaging perspective on your TikTok journey. I have such mixed feelings on how to approach or make the most of social media without going crazy, so I really liked hearing your take - and that you're still figuring out your future with the platform.
Thank you so much for sharing this, I can totally relate to what you’re saying. 🖤
Really enjoyed this, Kailey, thank you! I'm on my own 2025 journey with socials, and it was food for thought. Hope you're well today! <3
Thank you for reading! What socials have you been experimenting with?
Thank you for sharing all of this! I often wondered how you were holding up, TikTok is a beast and it's really hard to be consistent on! (for me anyway). You should be SO proud for posting 90 videos, that is such an accomplishment! But I think you being honest with yourself about the whole process is an even bigger accomplishment 🥹👏🏼🥹👏🏼
Thank you, Kolina <3 I really appreciate you saying that! I struggled to write this post, actually, because I think I was processing in real time. It's hard when something seems to have equal pros and cons!
I definitely know what you mean! It's a struggle I battle daily!
This is so interesting!! I’ve been wanting to experiment with tiktok and actually give it a go and you may have changed my pov!!
let me know how it goes if you try it out!!
Thank you for this information 🥰🥰
I want to echo what others have said here: I admire that you gave yourself this ambitious experiment!
Gosh, I relate so much to how you feel about social media right now. I'm listening to the Stolen Focus audiobook currently and it's blowing my mind and making me want to get offline forever. But at the same time, that seems unrealistic. I want this year to be the year I strike a healthier balance (if there is such a thing) with social media while still leaning into it as a debut author. We'll see!
I just looked up that book, and it sounds fascinating. But yes, how do we find this balance?!
If you figure it out, LMK! I just listened to the Bad on Paper podcast episode about this book and they shared how they both try to balance screen time and writing. I might steal some of their ideas!
Loving this post & all of your thoughts! It’s such a tug of war with social — balancing organic, genuine content that fills your own cup and the consistency required to build an audience for promotion. Summary: it’s HARD!!
Thank you! and yes, VERY DIFFICULT INDEED
Yes to growing to know and trust that what you put out there always matters even if you never get to know how much in terms of comments or numbers. And we never know how affecting one person can contribute to how they affect someone else. Yes to intent!
<3 <3
Thanks for the insights, Kailey. It’s great to see your expectations vs. reality. I’m so proud of you for being ambitious with this goal and tackling such a huge challenge. Like Kolina mentioned, it may be even more impressive and productive to acknowledge how you’d begun to serve the challenge rather than it serve you.
I’ve been reflecting on this a LOT lately and actually published a newsletter about struggling with writing challenges this week too! I learned this the hard way when I started the 90 Day Challenge with you and didn’t complete it. After 30 days and 30,000 words, my life crumbled around me. I couldn’t keep up with a routine that ambitious and felt anxious, overwhelmed, and inadequate.
If I continued on for the last 60 days, I knew I’d have to drop my standard of health, mothering, marriage, and peace. And I considered it, because my pride didn’t want to accept defeat.
That’s when I realized, if I stopped after those first 30 days, I wouldn’t be defeated at all. If I called it after meeting my goal of writing 1000 words a day for a full month, I’d strut out of November with a huge badge, reading “Writer”. I would be a real fiction writer with a real chunk of a manuscript for the first time in my life.
After those 30,000 words of a fairly pantsed novel, I knew I needed to go back to the drawing board to crack down on my characters, plot, and theme. Drafting another 60,000 words then for the sake of the challenge wouldn’t serve me, but it would serve the challenge.
Challenges entice me. They’re sparky and sexy like a man in uniform (lol), all gritty, tough, stoic. The problem is, I am none of those things, and neither is life. It promises to offer enough challenges on its own — a wretched stomach bug after Christmas, a teething toddler who only sleeps for half an hour and interrupts the sacred writing time set apart.
It was so hard, because I wanted to participate in this so badly, but I threw in the towel. I needed my writing to fit into my lifestyle, to become it, because that’s the only way I can truly, consistently show up for it, enjoy it, and make my best work.
This marks the best decision in my writing history other than the decision to take up the challenge in the first place. Because, Kailey, although I didn’t finish this challenge. It was an unbelievable blessing to me.
I write you this long winded message to say that you can’t possibly know how much your presence has impacted me.
Your newsletters deliver the most fantastic reflections on fiction writing. They inspire me. They ground me.
Your writing challenge gave me the structure I needed to burn imposter syndrome and build a consistent fiction writing habit for the first time in my life. A Creative Writing undergrad didn’t do that. A desperate need for a creative outlet didn’t do that. But this virtual home you created for us offered the accountability and encouragement. It did that for me.
Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. I know that myself among many other avid In The Weeds readers (and future ones who haven’t found you yet) can’t wait to see how your heart and soul unfold in your novel.
Thank you so much for this, Ally! You are doing so great. You always show up for yourself but you also know when to step back and take care of others. I know it can be frustrating to not have a writing challenge or practice to go as you had envisioned it but I think the best part, truly, is to just keep coming back. And don't beat yourself up :) <3 thank you so much for being here!!
Awe, thanks for the encouragement, Kailey. You're the best!
I love this post—I too feel like I need to have more of a social media presence (Instagram would be my choosing). And yet, I feel embarrassed or weird if I post anything about myself, like a narcissist who's just wanting more attention. Maybe I'll consider posting everyday for a month, or 45 days just to experiment with how it feels to share my writing life, and myself.
I think that would be a great little challenge. And then it truly feels terrible or not aligned with yourself, then you can say you tried and know for sure. I think its just a matter of actually finding what works for you and not what everyone else is doing, you know?
Yes! And what feels authentic to the person you are off of the internet. Those lines get blurrier and blurrier the more we're online!
Thanks for sharing this, Kailey! The sentiment about intention and trying new things adds a really engaging perspective on your TikTok journey. I have such mixed feelings on how to approach or make the most of social media without going crazy, so I really liked hearing your take - and that you're still figuring out your future with the platform.