It's Waiting Season
Beta readers and living in limbo: a novel update
If you are new here, hi and welcome! Since this post is about the next stage of my novel writing journey, if you wish to catch up, I recommend reading any of these posts to get you up to date :) thank you for being here!
Truth be told, for days now, I’ve been searching for some kind of inspiration to write this post. Last week, the season started up again for my job at the country club. I figured something would happen that I’d have some feeling about besides praying to God that this will be my last year working there. But it was an easy shift, uneventful. I waited on the same people I always do, and the same ones made me wait by staying at their tables even after the kitchen closed.
Yesterday, I was called for jury duty for the first time, and I thought that would inspire me to write. What would the court case be? Who would I be in the juror's room with? But no one spoke to each other in that fluorescent-bulb room, and then, after almost three hours, the court officer told us all we could go; they didn’t need us. Life, for me lately, seems like a whole lot of waiting.
In my last novel update, I wrote about finishing my fourth draft. Since then, I have sent my manuscript to my writing pattern, Tamar, to read. It was the first time anyone had read my book, and while I was a little shy, I was mostly excited because I had reached that point where I knew I needed someone else’s eyes on this thing. I needed to get out of my own head.
Tamar sent my draft back with a breakdown of what was working and questions or edits to consider for each chapter. We had agreed prior that we wanted to tackle picture big issues, not line edits yet. Plot, character development and pacing of the story. We also wanted reactions from each other. What excited you? What kept you turning the page? What events or conversations felt predictable or what did you not see coming? We left notes to each other in our drafts; exclamation points, question marks, and “OMG’s.” Then we met over Zoom, a meeting that lasted 3 hours where we talked everything out. How can we carry this feedback into our next revision, we asked. What are some essential things that need to be reconstructed or edited before we hand these off to our next set of readers?
We gave each other two weeks to work on those revisions. And I have to say, it was one of the most fun revision sessions I’ve had to date. I don’t know if it was because it was a shorter time frame, but I found myself giddy about going to the draft. I felt confident in the changes I was making and the paragraphs I was deleting. I knew it was making the novel better. Tamar allowed me to see my own story with fresh eyes, and she validated some of the problems I was having. For example, I had a short storyline that was only present in the backstory. It was the brief history of my main character's childhood friend. I loved writing those scenes. But I also knew that I was trying to force them into the story. She wasn’t adding to the tension; she wasn’t progressing the plot. I just really liked the idea of her, I think. When reading, Tamar liked the scenes too but wanted to move through them quickly to get back to the present moment. We realized together that this friend felt more cumbersome than necessary.
I cut her out completely during my revision, only needing to rephrase or edit a few scenes for continuity. At first, I thought I would grieve this loss of character, but once she was gone, I felt that the story made more sense. (And the fact that it made sense without her showed me how much she wasn’t needed.) I had room to add a few scenes with my main character's mother, who is vital to the story as a whole. It sort of felt like a weight had been lifted. I think the backstory was needed in early drafts to get me writing, but it was never meant to stay. I had to let her go.
After I finished this revision, I sent it to three more beta readers— two writer friends and a friend who works at the country club with me. And then I waited.
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Spring in New England, for me, is about waiting for summer. The tree outside my kitchen window has started to bud, but I’m still wearing my winter coat. The birds are chirping, but the days are gray. It's been raining a lot. Sometimes, it feels like I’m trapped inside my home, anxiously waiting to emerge without so many layers. I just want to be barefoot. Here, Spring is counting down days on a calendar, waiting for warmth.
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Two of my beta readers have gotten back to me with feedback, and I’m waiting on a third. During this in-between time, I feel anxious. Not because I’m scared of what they will say—so far, the feedback has been positive, constructive, and encouraging— but because I’m not used to not writing. Being productive and working on my book used to mean structuring my time around a writing session, writing a certain number of words, or revising a scene. That is what I know how to do.
Now, being productive means looking up agents, learning more about query letters, and making spreadsheets. It's about trying to summarize my 90k novel into a paragraph. I feel so wildly out of my element. I have been aware and somewhat knowledgeable of the querying process for a while now, but now that that time is here, I feel like I’m going about it the wrong way. I feel restless and antsy. I worry I’ll do the wrong thing. I have so many people in my life who are helping me, sharing feedback, tips and tricks, and best practices. But because this is all so new, I can’t help but pace my apartment, wishing it was warm enough to go for a walk without two layers of socks. It’s like I’m trying to run away from the waiting.
But if novel writing has taught me anything, it's about trusting the process. I’ve said this all before, but God, it’s become a daily reminder. The process I’m in now is waiting. The process I will be in after I send my first query letter batches will be waiting. If (when) I get an agent, there will be more waiting after that. But just like I know summer will come—my favorite season, the season I feel the most alive and vibrant—this season in my writing life will shift, too. It’s always shifting. Sometimes I have to take action. And sometimes, I have to be still.
The waiting is so hard. This is something I've been struggling with today - waiting to hear back from agents and editors. It is all part of the process, but sometimes I find it easier to distract myself from and accept than others.
So much wisdom in this letter! Stillness is a challenging thing to commit to. I turned in a draft at the end of last year after a hefty round of revision and made myself rest for the first time… ever? I think it was two whole weeks where I didn’t write a word and it was actually so helpful. I felt restored after and ready to tackle new things.