The Uncertainty of This Writing Life

Panic on New Year's Day

On New Year's Day, I woke up in a panic. As an eldest daughter, this is very unlike me. I’m typically someone who thrives on new beginnings and new notebooks. Who delights in buying a new planner. A new year is usually a particularly exciting clean slate for me. But instead, I felt fear.

Fear over finances. Fear in the realization that running Write or Die Magazine might not be sustainable for me for another year. Fear about what that would mean for me, whose identity has been intertwined with what I have created, the place on the internet I have maintained since 2018. Fear that I have failed. Fear about what to do next.

I’ll admit— I didn’t realize how burned out I was until I decided to take a break — an actual break away from my laptop— after Christmas. I did crossword puzzles and binge read Behind Her Eyes by Sarah Pinborough. I watched movies with my husband and hung out with my family. I sat on the couch in the middle of the day. I went to the gym, I scrolled on my phone. And it felt so good. To not be “doing” anything or, rather, to not be pushing myself to finish my novel draft or writing emails or writing copy or planning social media content. I think I had forgotten how to exist if I wasn’t working towards something.

I’m sure you can relate. We all get burnt out or obsess over things that we should be achieving, right? We all think we should be sharing more of ourselves on the internet or posting more newsletters or writing more words. It's just how our modern world is and I think there is a time and a place for that determination, that tenacity. And then there are times when we need to zone the fuck out and remember that we are human beings, not machines, and we can’t do everything all at once, all the time.

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I called my friend Brittany the other day to ask her some questions about pitching to literary magazines. One of my goals for the new year, now that my agent has the latest draft of my novel and I have weeks of waiting ahead of me, is to write some new things. To build up my bio. To finish a few essays I have started. To get a short story published. I didn’t mean to start venting to her about my worries for the future and how I feel lost and unsure of what my career entails, but alas, on I went. She didn’t mind, she said. She was going through some things in her writing and career life, too. It felt good to commiserate with someone who gets it, and it was a future validation that, man, this writing life can feel so hard. Especially when you are someone like me who has made it her whole life. Even when you achieve milestones, there are miles yet to go. There are still other things that are a mess in your life. There aren’t guarantees. There are so many hurdles. Sometimes, prioritizing your creativity or art can feel so foolish. (I have been known to say many times, “Why the hell didn’t I become a fitness influencer instead of a writer girl?” lol)

But…but— isn’t the risk of not trying much worse than this not knowing? Isn’t my writing life what connects me to this human experience? To God? To you? Isn’t it that thing that brings me true joy? Maybe this uncertainty is just how it works to live.

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Something that has been keeping me going lately is our little group of writers who joined me for the In the Weeds 90-Day Novel challenge. I planned this on a whim because I love keeping writers accountable and I fully and firmly believe you can write a novel, even if you have tried and failed, even if you think it feels impossible. I write a motivational blurb each day, and these writers comment with their word count, their session achievements, or the fact that they didn’t write that day but plan to do so tomorrow. As of today, we are on day 69. That is a lot of days behind us, and these writers are making some serious progress. Their stamina is so impressive. So is their commitment. I know 90 is an intimidating number. But that’s what we do in this life, isn’t it? Things other people might deem wild. Spread our vulnerability all over the page. Experience rejection over and over again. Spend hours and hours pouring over pages that might/probably/will be cut later. Fight to be heard/seen/read.

Oh, how I love us.

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So yes, this new year, I had to do a lot of self-talk to get back into a good headspace. My fears are real and valid, but I can’t let them define me or beat me up. The future is uncertain, but it has always been uncertain. And maybe that’s the point—uncertainty isn’t the enemy. It’s the terrain.

If you are feeling lost in your creative life or career path, I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone. I’m also here to take my own advice. To remind us both of the words I have on a sticky note above my desk, the ones I have talked about many, many times in this newsletter— trust the process.

Maybe this is the year we take a risk. Maybe this is a year where we believe it will all work out. Maybe this is the year we let things go. Maybe this is the year that we keep writing, and writing and writing.

I hope so.

<3

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Speaking of fear, I have created a little reset for you! If self-doubt, fear of judgment, or perfectionism is keeping you from the page, you’re not alone. This 8-day Fearless Writing program is a reset for your writing life, designed to help you face your fears, conquer common anxieties, and rediscover the joy and confidence in your writing.

What would you do if fear wasn’t holding you back?

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I’m also available for coaching! Join me for one-on-one personalized call where we tackle your writing challenges and leave with a clear, actionable plan.

During this 1 hour meeting held over Zoom, we can discuss a number of your personal challenges, pain points, or goals you wish to work towards. This option is for you if —

• You want to start a sustainable writing routine but don’t know how.

• You want to meet a weekly (or daily) writing goal, but you need someone to hold you accountable.

• You want to start a novel.

• You have already started a novel but want to know how to persevere, maintain your stamina, and complete a draft.

• You are looking for resources that actually helped someone (me!) finish a novel.

• You are about to start querying and would like to know how an agented author went about the process (you want specifics like what websites to use, what agents to query, and steps to avoid)

• You are looking for tips on how and on what platforms to start your author brand.

I also have 2 or 3 month programs available designed to dig deeper and help you achieve your long-term writing goals, and build lasting momentum. Whether you’re starting a novel, revising a draft, or preparing to query, I’ll be your creative ally and accountability partner every step of the way. Through weekly one-on-one sessions, personalized action plans, and consistent support, you’ll gain clarity, confidence, and the tools you need to move forward. Let’s create a writing routine and strategy that works for you!

Book your free 15-minute chemistry call below.

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