❀ Before we dive in
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I’ve wanted to do this post for a long time, as I know so many of you are in the querying trenches. The journey to traditional publication can be so grueling, but also confusing. Some sources are forthcoming with the how-tos of it all, but often it seems like there are bits and pieces of the process that are not being discussed. Or at least not with enough clarity to be of help to you.
With this in mind, I want to share my query letter that landed me an agent in September. I’m not saying that mine is the best or anything, but I did work really hard on it and received nine full manuscript requests out of the 58 queries I sent. And eventually, an offer of representation from my now-agent at CAA.
I don’t think there are too many sample query letters out there, especially in the literary/upmarket space, so perhaps this will be of help if you’re feeling stuck. I’m taking my inspiration today from Suzanne Grove who wrote an amazing guest piece for my Sub Club column back in May, where she shared her own query letter that at that point had gotten her 15 full requests. She annotated her letter, breaking it down line by line with her thought process behind her decisions and some useful querying tips. And so I wanted to give it a try with my own letter.
This is also the first time you will get to read what my book is actually about, because I think I’ve only been teasing it up until this point!
✿ My Query Letter, Annotated
Dear AGENT,
I’m seeking representation for THE HOLY ONES, my 89,000-word upmarket fiction [1] debut novel about a diner waitress who gets a job in the restaurant of an elite New England country club, where she learns of the dark side of the wealth she desperately seeks. [2] For fans of WRITERS AND LOVERS by Lily King, this book also features the high-adrenaline restaurant subculture similar to Stephanie Danler’s SWEETBITTER. [3]
Spanning a summer in the fictional town of White Horse, Massachusetts, this story follows twenty-one-year-old Rita, who must leave her hometown with her eccentric and devout Catholic mother, Louisa, to move into the run-down cottage her uncle lets them borrow when they lose their house. [4]
After Rita learns of a betrayal from her mother that will affect their financial livelihood, [5] she applies to work in the dining room at Rosewood Country Club, an exclusive golf club and oceanfront community, hoping to not only regain what they have lost, but to make enough to change her circumstances. [6] However, her past waitress experience does not prepare her for this demanding clash of classes and strict rules against fraternizing with members. Rita’s infatuation with the wealth around her causes her to reject her religious upbringing, and her relationship with Louisa deteriorates. [7]
As Rita’s desperation grows, she gets involved with the president of the country club, Ray DeLuca, causing a scandalous ripple effect that could risk her job and ruin her cherished friendships with the staff. Now, she must decide if being rich is worth losing everything that's important to her. [8]
This novel was inspired by my ten years of experience working as a waitress and bartender in country clubs. [9] I’m the creator and editor-in-chief of Write or Die Magazine and a columnist for Chill Subs. [10] I also write a Substack newsletter, In the Weeds, where I have shared about my time working in the service industry and the process of writing this novel. The accompanying podcast I host features interviews with published authors and book industry leaders, where we discuss working restaurant jobs before launching their literary careers. I live in Massachusetts with my husband, and I am working on my next novel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Kailey Brennan DelloRusso
[1] I sent this query as both literary and upmarket. I made the swap when it looked like an agent was more interested in one genre over the other. They are both similar enough that I felt I was able to do this without a problem. I also tried “book club fiction.” In the end, the agent that I signed with said it was upmarket, and that is what we used when going out on submission, too.
[2] I often advise my clients to include a hook in the opening of their letters. Not only will it hopefully capture the agent's attention from the first line, but it also helps make that first sentence flow a little more smoothly. Since it’s important to include your title, word count, genre, and comps in that first paragraph, a hook gives you an extra little opportunity to sell your book to the agent, AND you now have a way to describe your book in one sentence, which in this competitive market, is always a plus!
[3] I’ll admit, my comps sentence is not the most exciting, but it did the job. There are many more creative ways to do this, and I recommend checking out this piece we ran in Sub Club, where agents gave us the scoop on what they look for in comps. If I had known this information then, I probably would have changed up this sentence a bit!
[4] It’s important to set the scene as quickly and tightly as possible. The challenge here is to want to provide background information or lengthy explanations of your characters’ motivations or emotional states that trigger the opening chain of events. But this space is for PLOT. Since I found the three-act structure extremely helpful, I tried to think of how to get to the inciting incident as quickly as possible here, while telling who my character is and where the story is set.
[5] Inciting incident!
[6] The point of no return! This is how we move into Act 2 of the story. Nothing is the same. Rita can’t go back now.
[7] I think this middle part can be the hardest. Obviously, there is so much more going on that I want to share in the middle of the story! What about the sous chef Rita is obsessed with? Or that one waitress she is jealous of? But by adding in more character names and plot lines here, in such a small space, it could make my story sound chaotic and unorganized. Or it's just information we don’t need to know when summarizing the story. Take out emotionality, side plots, and extra characters and focus on how each scene is a reaction to another. One domino tipping over the next.
Since I opened my letter with a line about Rita’s mother, I need to keep that thread throughout, even though it’s not the only relationship in the story. It is, however, one of the biggest and the catalyst for the entire plot.
[8] Another challenge is deciding where to leave the agent at the end of your plot paragraphs. Call it a cliffhanger or the climax, it’s important to both show the agent you have more of your story coming (with reactions to all the dominoes you have just lined up) AND leave them dying to know more. My hope here was for the agent to want to read the manuscript so they could find out just how badly Rita screws up and that money and power are key themes that influence the plot.
[9] I felt it was important to note this because of my extensive experience. Ten years is worth a mention, and it most likely shows why I wanted to write this novel. Not that you ever need to justify WHY you want to write about something, but I thought that by adding it, the agent would understand that I have a firm grasp on a landscape that we don’t see discussed in novels very often. It gave me authority. While going out on submission, my agent also felt it was important to add a similar line when she pitched to editors, so my instinct was right here. If you have relevant experience in something, adding a short line like this helps give some context for the agent!
[10] Notice how your girl has NO PRIOR PUBLICATIONS. It was a huge insecurity of mine going into querying that an agent wouldn’t give my novel a second look because I haven’t been published elsewhere.
Well, I can confirm that was not true! I even asked Jenny, my agent, about it on our initial offer of rep call, and she basically said she didn’t care lol
I’m working on my bio now while my book is out on sub as I hope to have some publications up my sleeve if the book sells. But if you are like me and querying without prior publication, know that it most likely won’t hinder you. Your current novel will speak for itself <3
✿ How I *actually* got my literary agent, step by step
Okay, let’s dive even deeper! In my latest YouTube video, I’m pulling back the curtain on all the steps I took to prepare for querying, finding agents, and staying organized. I also delve into the types of responses you might receive if you are completely new to this, as well as tips for handling the inevitable rejection we all have to deal with. Then, I tell my own full story of how I got my agent and how I knew she was the right fit for me.
It’s a little lengthy, but I wanted to cover all the bases. I hope you find this helpful!
Andrea Bartz has an awesome compendium of successful queries I've found super helpful for samples (https://substack.com/inbox/post/141160055), but I love how this breaks down a single successful query letter piece by piece!
Do you know if anyone has ever written a query that made mistakes (told too much, gave away ending) yet still garnered requests for manuscripts? thanks and THANK YOU for so clearly mapping the query out... decades later, I finally get it... You did this in a genius way. So grateful.