Little June Joys
Unmet goals, working double shifts and my summer persona
Back in March, I visited my dear friend and writing partner, Tamar. On one of our mornings together, we went to a café for breakfast with a specific task in mind—set concrete writing goals for our novels. We have been writing together since we met in 2020 and are both on our third drafts. In that coffee shop, buzzing with caffeine and proximity to each other, we planned. If we keep writing consistently for x amount of time, we said, we can have the drafts done by June. We pulled out the calculators on our phones, counted weeks on our splayed opened planners. We are both eldest daughters—we love to feel organized and in control.
June 23rd was the date I circled in pen, planted a sticker of two champagne glasses clinking. “Draft 3 due!” I wrote, with true and honest optimism. We picked the date because it was four months away, which seemed doable while in the midst of Act One, and it was the last day of school for Tamar’s kids. Four solid months to move through the draft, and watch it take shape. Have a story with some more weight, some more plot, some more direction. That’s what I was thinking, anyway.
Almost immediately, my writing schedule went haywire. April was an entire month of preparation for merging my magazine with Chill Subs. Meetings, planning, creative copy, emails, phone calls, more planning. It was nonstop and I didn’t have a drop of creativity left in me by the end of each day. I tried to wake up even earlier to write, but my brain was vibrating with what else I had to do that day, the ever present urgency of something needing to be done. When it finally settled in May, I had a new schedule to get used to. Most of the team I work with live overseas, and meetings are typically at 8 am. I found myself being plunged into work mode immediately, and I was struggling to make time for the writing.
I needed to adapt. I wrote in the afternoons or in the mornings when I didn’t have meetings. I decided to take Thursday off from “work” things, and my time spent in front of a screen those days was saved for writing.
And while I’m 70,000 words into draft 3—overwriting the heck out of it, honestly—June 23rd has come and gone. And I’m not done yet.
I’m disappointed, I’ll admit. Tamar and I met over Zoom and discussed some new goals. She is closer than me to the end, and it’s looking like she will finish by this Friday. I’m beyond excited for her to finish but also to take the time away from the novel too.
My new goal is to finish by the end of July. My husband and I have a little getaway planned at the beginning of August, and I’m excited to kick off that time away with a completed draft that I will be putting in the drawer until I can’t stand it any longer. (Let’s be real, I’ll be at it again in September.)
Goals are well and good, and I know I’ll never stop making them, but I also know that you can’t rush creative work. After almost three years of novel writing, I think I’m finally getting it.
Despite not meeting my goal, many other little joys this month impacted my writing life. Things that make the process feel good or exciting or just like I’m not all alone over here, trying like hell to write my little waitressing novel.
Working a double
I wait tables at a country club on Thursday and Friday nights. But last week, we were extremely short staffed, and I was moved enough by my manager’s desperation to say yes to a double Sunday shift. It was the Barnes Cup, a weekend tournament, and I knew we would be slammed, and the money would be good.
Most of the time, when at work, I’m moving to get to the end. When the night starts to wind down, I get frustrated that my last tables are lingering or that I still have more side work. I can’t control these things, yet I have this interior monologue going: Let’s go, c’mon, let’s go.
On this Sunday morning, I told my husband I was going to practice being zen and living peacefully in the moment. I had to be there for the entire day, I already agreed, so why fight it? I arrived at 10:30 am with my enlightened state of mind. The other server I was working with was excited I agreed to help and brought us breakfast sandwiches that we nibbled while setting up the bar. I was ready to accept.
Then before I knew it, it was 9:00 pm. It felt like I had blinked, except my back was throbbing, and my feet were pulsing. My body had been moving nonstop for the entire day, into the night. I didn’t even have time to think about my enlightenment because I was just moving through it in a room full of golfers, one Coors Light, one roasted beef cheddar melt at a time.
When I finally did sit down, around 9:30 pm, I had that sort of euphoric feeling of getting through a shift without a mistake, everyone happy, your body so tired it almost makes you giddy. I hadn’t worked a double in so long. I had forgotten. I thought about my novel. But my main character works doubles all the time, part of her summer waiting table. I needed to experience this again to write her better. I felt so close to her, ready to return to the page. The shift felt worth it. Not just because of how much cash I ended up slipping into my wallet. For that closeness I felt towards her, even if just for a little while.
And then while I sat there, waiting for the men at the last high top to leave, I opened my notes app. They probably thought I was texting if they noticed me at all but I was typing their conversation word for word. It was exactly what I needed for a scene I had been stuck on. I smiled and typed, then asked if they wanted another round.
Emma Cline
The Guest, Emma Cline’s latest, feels like a perfect novel. I read in that state of pure pleasure when you don’t want a sentence to end or when you are nearing the final pages, but you long for your past self so you can reread the whole thing again for the first time. I love to take note of reading experiences like this, where I’m not just thinking and reading as a writer but experiencing bliss as a reader too. Alex, the main character, is wonderfully flawed, beautifully written and I couldn’t wait to see how she would interact with every person she came across. I thought a lot about that after. I thought about how I could try it out in my work.
Danielle Lazarin’s newsletter: Talk Soon
I’m a big fan of process transparency. I’m nosy. I love to see how writers are doing it, every step of the way. Danielle has been posting daily updates about her novel revision process on her Instagram, everything from the pens she uses to how many times per chapter she uses the word “smirk.” (I feel you, Danielle. My draft is riddled with smirking sous chefs.) Danielle started writing more in-depth about her novel revision process on her Substack, with a bi-weekly “Revision Season” series. I felt particularly akin to her summer writing goals: “like for most of my youth, I’m inhabiting a certain persona this summer and that persona is Woman Revising Her Novel.”
She went on to say:
(In my 90s youth it was get very tan, convince a certain lifeguard at the pool to talk to me, get taller, make friendship bracelets, hang out at the diner and play the same songs on the little jukeboxes with the same two friends). Much like my adolescent summers, the revision feels all consuming, like my entire personality at the moment. I’m always writing something down or thinking about the book in some way. This level of absorption feels different than with other books. I’m not trying to understand why, just riding this while it lasts. It is a sort of surrender.
Surrender! Yes! Much like my new attitude towards work at the country club, I’m aiming to approach the month of July fueled with my obsession for my novel project and, hopefully, a calm acceptance that it will eventually come together as I see it in my head.
So I guess my persona this summer is something like Women Revising Her Novel While Giving Herself Grace.
Dinner in the North End
I’m not much of a city girl, but over the weekend, my husband, sister, and I went out to dinner in the North End of Boston—Italian paradise. We did the whole lineup— wine, apps, meal and then found a café for coffee and dessert. It’s a little joy for so many reasons. Being with my two favorite people, a warm summer evening, short rib gnocchi that had us waving over our server for more bread to lap up the sauce. But from a writing perspective, it was energizing to be in a lively city, to eat beautiful food and to walk without knowing where I was going. We found an alleyway covered with framed pictures of saints and Virgin Mary statues. I took it as a sign about my novel because I knew that it was.
Ollie Pop
I’m very treat motivated, and this probiotic soda dupe is fun. My favorite flavors so far are Cherry Vanilla and Cream Soda. I’m still looking out for the Cherry Coke flavor as I’m one of those people who, when they like something, have to immediately Google all the varieties and flavors it comes in.
