Hold It All Loosely

How I wrote my first novel + novel #2 plans

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I flipped through my copy of The 90-Day Novel by Alan Watt last week. On the first page is a note: “Began 09/28/2020.” 

I’m glad my past self thought to record when I first picked up this book because now, by August 2024, the novel I had written, thanks to the help of Alan Watt, is out in the world, being considered by agents. A burst of pride fluttered in my chest. Back in 2020, when I started free writing my way to a story, learning about the three-act structure and character development, how to maintain a 1000 words a day momentum to get a first draft done, I felt so wobbly on my own two feet. Was I actually writing a novel? Could I pull this off? 

Now I know for certain that I can. I have. And now I’m planning to do it all over again. 

The idea for novel number two started off in blurring little bits, images I’d mull off in the shower or on a walk. Until one afternoon, when my husband and I were on a bike ride, the plot came at me hard, like a slap to the face. I kept pedaling and the main beats spilled out before me like the path we were following. 

“Holy shit,” I said to my husband. “I think I know the whole damn plot.” 

*

As I read through the introduction of The 90-Day Novel, I was reminded of how good this book is. Quotes that I had highlighted in yellow still resonated. Lessons learned the hard way but ones that still need constant reminders. 

“We have been trained to second-guess ourselves, to be more interested in result than process. We are not encouraged to be curious, so it's difficult to really get quiet and inquire. The decision to be creative is often met with concern, suspicion, and even outright scorn…The prevailing attitude is that if you’re not great at something right out of the gate, then you shouldn’t bother.” 

Later, Watt says, “When we drop our preconceptions about what good writing is and we give ourselves permission to write poorly, everything changes.” 

And everything did change for me. My very first novel draft was terrible, and I knew it. It completely lacked plot. There were giant holes throughout the story that I had no idea how to fill. My dialogue was beyond cringy. But I see now that I was just getting my bearings, like a newborn baby deer, wide eyes, shaky little legs and all.

Of course, I was frustrated. Of course, I was concerned that how I saw the story in my head was not even close to what I had put on the page. But Watt says something else that I repeated to myself over and over throughout the drafting and early revision process: Hold it all loosely. 

*

Many writers out there like to claim they are perfectionists. I used to be one of them. But I don’t bear that title anymore. Of course, I want whatever I publish to be the best it can be. I want my work to be perceived as good. Maybe even great. But my writing process does not include anything close to perfection. What I learned from writing a novel is that there is so much beauty in discovery. There is so much joy in coming to the page with playfulness. 

And don’t get me wrong, in the beginning, I would have rolled my eyes HARD at that. Drafting is about getting it right, I might have said. But through the many drafts and rewrites my novel went through (if you have been here you long, you know I wrote the beginning at least 39475 times), I learned that I actually had no idea what “right” was. I had to write my way into this story. No matter how many outlines and notecards, and charts I made, this story came into being through writing it. Over and over and over again. 

But I love that about this work. There is nothing greater than coming to the page with one idea and ending your writing session by saying, “Where did that come from?” 

Ahh! It's a high! It’s a miracle! It’s why I do this! 

obviously had to get a new notebook for novel #2 notes

The main point of The 90-Day Novel is to let go and write your first draft very quickly. It's more about getting everything down rather than making it make sense. In defense of not making a solid outline before starting your book, Watt says, “Our subconscious is really good at making order out of chaos.” Playing around with the structure questions he provides allows you to imagine the world of your story and observe how it might unfold. “We relax and allow our subconscious to do the work. Storytelling is a right-brain activity. The moment we attempt to come up with logical solutions to human behavior, we are out of our story.” 

I love this so much. Outlines were frustrating for me for a long time. It wasn’t until I was many years into my novel that I was able to properly outline the story and fuse together some of the missing pieces. (The Plot Whisperer by Martha Alderson is an excellent resource for this.) As I start to think about my second novel, I’m absolutely going to continue to adopt this mindset. Just because a large chunk of the plot came to me on that bike ride does not mean it's what will happen. At this stage, I’m not married to it. It is simply where I will begin to work my way through, knowing that my subconscious will guide me. And honestly, that makes me so excited. What will this story end up being? 

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I think one of the things that slowed me down the most when writing my first novel was information overload. When I began, I had obviously never done this before. I felt like I needed guidance, and I looked for it everywhere. Podcasts, craft books, workshops. I was listening, reading, and learning constantly. That is not to say these things didn’t help—I’m sure some of them did. But there were so many times I felt paralyzed. This podcast said that an opening page should contain this, so I rewrote it, but now this craft book says something else. This author says it is best to write in the morning, while this one says she writes once a week before bed. I was comparing and contrasting myself and my work so much, and my novel suffered because of it. When I realized what was happening, I took a deep breath and stopped everything completely. Whoa, I thought. You need to slow down. 

And with that slowness came the ability to re-access my own brain. I asked myself what I thought, what ways I wanted to write, what times of day and how many words worked for me. I looked at my story and decided what I liked about it, what would keep me reading. 

This quieting was essential to my book–to me as a writer. 

I learned my lesson and attempted not to fall into the same trap when querying. I listened to some podcasts about the process, about what makes a good query letter and I read some valuable information. I asked some friends who had done it before. But when I started looking for agents, I did it in my own bubble (okay, well, my writing partner and I!) I listened to my intuition. I worked really hard on my letter and opening pages. I didn’t consume any more information about it. Everyone's process and querying experience is different, so what was the point of comparing mine to anyone else's? 

I bring this up because as I begin novel number two, I can’t help but think about how this process will go compared to my first one. I’m comparing my past self with my present self, I guess. Now that I know I can write a novel (a confidence I don’t regard lightly. It's an actual thrill!), it still means many ups and downs along the way. I don’t believe any novel has even been written seamlessly. But at least now, I know that! 

I no longer think it's abnormal to skip whole chapters, stress about plot, or feel as though the book will never be finished. Once again, I have come to the conclusion that the process is the point. 

There was a time when I considered getting “hold it all loosely” tattooed onto my forehead, but now, I don’t think that's necessary anymore. 

I think it's finally stuck. 

So here I go again. 

Let’s see what happens. 

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